she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
