Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
