you traded sex for a burrito?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
