mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
