and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
