His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
