If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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