Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
