So drunk its hurt
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
