And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
