Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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