Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
