Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
