good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
