You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
