Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
