i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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