He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
