I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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