HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize