A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That accounts for only three of the penises
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
