I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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