People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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