East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
