I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
