I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
