You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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