trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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