How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
