I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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