so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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