Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
