I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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