I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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