walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
