I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
