drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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