Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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