This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
