And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
