im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
