I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
