Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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