why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
