She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
