He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
