went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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