I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
