Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
