I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
