I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
