I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
