A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
