Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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