I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
