He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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