Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
