What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
