I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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