K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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