OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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