he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ugly people sure do ruin things
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
