that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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