Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
