I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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