You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
