If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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