i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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